“I have your MRI results,” said Dr. Price, my rheumatologist.

I was in the midst of a strategic planning meeting at the office, but I quickly stepped out into the hall to take the call in private. Although I had been having back pain for the last three weeks, I wasn’t concerned. A recent bone density scan revealed I had the spine of a 20-year-old.

What she said next shocked me.

“You have not one but three compression fractures to your thoracic spine,” she said.

Practically, that meant no more horseback riding—one of the few remaining and greatest joys of my life. If I knew anything from dealing with past losses, it was this—recovery would be a process.

Recovery is a Process

In her book Living through Personal Crisis, Ann Kaiser Stearns describes the process of recovery in the early stages of grief:

Recovery from loss is like having to get off the main highway every so many miles because the direct route is under reconstruction. The road signs reroute you through little towns you hadn’t expected to visit and over bumpy roads you hadn’t wanted to bounce around on. You are basically traveling in the appropriate direction. One the map, however, the course you are following has the look of shark’s teeth instead of a straight line. Although you are gradually getting there, you sometimes doubt that you will ever meet up with the finished highway.

I’ve walked through this process probably hundreds of times. And if you live with chronic illness, you probably have too. While it never gets easier, you can learn to move through the recovery process in a healthy way.

Tips for Recovering from Loss

Say goodbye.

Recognize you loss and acknowledge that life will be different from now on. Failure to acknowledge your loss can lead to grief that is complicated by adjustment disorders, including major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, and more. It hurts when you lose something you love, so acknowledge your loss by writing about it, talking with a friend or counselor, or creating a memorial. If you find yourself stuck and unable to move on, seek professional help.

Choose well.

We have a choice in our recovery. The changes brought about by our loss can be either positive or negative.

In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, Holocaust survivor Dr. Viktor Frankl shares this story:

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

We can choose to become bitter about our losses, or we can choose to become better despite them. We can choose to focus on what we can’t do, or we can look for new opportunities to the use the gifts and abilities that remain. Even when dreams die, we can choose to move toward life. New interests, friendships, and projects can breathe new life into weary souls.

Reinvest in new dreams and relationships.

After you’ve given yourself sufficient time to grieve, reinvest in new projects and relationships. I’ve been thinking about refreshing my writer’s website for some time, but I kept putting it on the back burner. Now that I’ve had some time and finances free up, I’ve contracted a web design firm to give my site a facelift.

And I’ve been contacted by a publishing house for a possible book project. Even it doesn't work out, I’ve begun to dream about new possibilities and platforms for my writing. That alone is a gift.

Plan ahead to prepare for transition and loss.

Life with chronic illness is a series of losses. And while we can never fully anticipate all that lies ahead, life is full of predictable transitions. Take charge of the potential loss in advance so you can continue on with life.

Loss is an inevitable part of life. Whether we allow it to destroy us or choose to view loss as an opportunity for growth is up to us.